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The Princess & The Ivory Tower: Part III

// August 12th, 2008 // 5 Comments » // Blog

“Silly girl…”

“Silly, silly, stupid girl!”

“How could you do this?”

“I mean, haven't you ever watched a Horror film? There are RULES! Yes, like in Scream…

“And even though that particular storyline took place in a modern day, American suburb; I am pretty sure walking down a darkly lit, barely visible path, through a spooky, haunted, enchanted forest -  alone - would be on the list entitled: 'what not to do if you want to survive a Horror movie based on a Fairy Tale'.

“Though, it's slightly ironic how the character who originally narrates the rules in the first instalment of the Scream trilogy, was then later horribly killed in the second part, only to be 'resurrected' on screen in the last film via a video he apparently recorded prior to his gruesome murder, in order to impart some more rule-based wisdom, which he obviously didn't follow very well, seeing as he was speaking from beyond the grave. It really makes you wonder how much he actually knew…

“Even so, I think my original point was valid… hey, are you even listening to me? HELLOOOOO!”

(more…)

Kubrick with Robots

// August 2nd, 2008 // 5 Comments » // Blog

Spiders are Pyschic!

// March 25th, 2008 // 9 Comments » // Blog

The other night, I was lying in bed, waiting to drift asleep, when a random thought suddenly popped into my head:

“Alhamdulillah, I haven't seen any spiders in my room for a long time now…”

Which was quickly followed by:

“Oh cr*p! What the heck did I think that for?!”.

You see, spiders are psychic – or, at least they are with me. Maybe I'm the Doctor Dolittle of the spider world. A mere passing thought is enough to subconsciously set off some kind of biological homing beacon – perhaps a special arachnid pheromone – which alerts the little [bleep]s to my location!

Don't believe me? Well, just ten minutes ago, I was sat at my computer, surfing away, when I felt a funny feeling on the underside of my left arm. I often get funny feelings there, usually pins and needles caused by leaning against the arm of my chair too long… but this time it was different… it was moving…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET OFF MEEEEE!”

That's a direct quote, ten milliseconds following the moment I looked down at my arm.

I am still reeling from it; I keep getting creepy sensations over random parts of my body, which I must respond to with a sudden outburst of hand swishing.

And to top it all off, it's still in my room… somewhere… waiting… {wibble}

Protected: My Big Day Out [RegOy]

// January 13th, 2008 // Enter your password to view comments. // Blog

Halal Mix Tape Vol.1

// January 9th, 2008 // No Comments » // Blog

Please check out this video that I posted onto Ijtema.net.

It's too funny to miss!

More Angry Brown People on the News

// January 8th, 2008 // 10 Comments » // Blog

I switch on the TV,
and flip to BBC News 24.

I see images of angry, brown men,
holding up home-made placards,
shouting incoherent slogans,
setting fire to things.

I think to myself:
“Has the Pope made another speech?”
“More cartoons mocking the Prophet, sallalahu 'alayhi wa salam?”
“Perhaps the teddy bear now has a wife named Khadija?”

Turns out,
it was just about the Cricket.

If religion “is the opiate of the people”*,
then Sport is their crack cocaine.

*For the sake of interest and education, here is Karl Marx's quote in context (courtesy of Wikipedia):

Religion is, indeed, the self-consciousness and self-esteem of man who has either not yet won through to himself, or has already lost himself again. But man is no abstract being squatting outside the world. Man is the world of man—state, society. This state and this society produce religion, which is an inverted consciousness of the world, because they are an inverted world. Religion is the general theory of this world, its encyclopedic compendium, its logic in popular form, its spiritual point d'honneur, its enthusiasm, its moral sanction, its solemn complement, and its universal basis of consolation and justification. It is the fantastic realization of the human essence since the human essence has not acquired any true reality. The struggle against religion is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is religion.
Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the Opiate of the people. [Emphasis added]
The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.

Fast Cars, Chaste Women

// December 25th, 2007 // 21 Comments » // Blog

I have found a new love.

And its name… is Top Gear.

(more…)

How NOT to Lose Weight

// November 22nd, 2007 // 14 Comments » // Blog

Stress is not normally a condition that people appreciate. These days, however, i find that i am missing it a lot. That is because thanks to the trauma of my thesis, and certain other personal issues, i have lost about 5 kgs over the past two months, without much effort – māshā’Allāh.

But now that i am relatively relaxed and happy, alhamdulillah, my appetite has returned with a vengeance – together with one of those lost kilos! {sad face}

(more…)

Melodrama & Mayhem

// November 12th, 2007 // 13 Comments » // Blog

That is what i was exposed to for about an hour tonight, at my cousin's house.

Tears, fights, tantrums… and even a court case!

All brought to you care of [insert random Indian TV cable channel here].

My goodness. I had completely forgotten how weird Indian soap operas are! I never watch them normally, but the TV was on in the background. As I wasn't really engaged in my family's conversation, and the programmes were subtitled, my gaze naturally drifted into the direction of the zombie box in the corner.

(more…)

THIS IS SO WRONG (but so funny)

// September 28th, 2007 // No Comments » // Blog

Be prepared to pee your pants.

Jazakallah khair to Br Naeem for the laughs, and congratulations on the birth of his baby girl! May Allāh make her a source of blessing for him and his family. Āmīn.