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Name Power

// October 17th, 2008 // 7 Comments » // Blog

My lesson for this evening:
The power of words;
More specifically,
Names.

My own name;
An identity of my own making.
A cause for new opportunities.
Now reduced in its capacity.

An old name;
Once a reason to be joyful,
But after a season of much angst,
Is unwanted and ignored.

A new name;
Cuts deep into tender underbelly,
Each time it's flaunted at me.
An unknown taunt that haunts me.

A special name;
The kind that is kept secret,
Between two who love eachother,
For the sake of their Creator.

Truly there is a lesson
In the power of these words;
More specifically,
Names.

What's your name power?

Broken

// October 15th, 2008 // 7 Comments » // Blog

Broken.

My mother used to say:
(And sometimes she still does)
The heart is like a china plate;
Once broken,
It can be glued back together,
But the cracks will always show.

Broken.

A girl,
Runs madly,
Back and forth,
Back and forth,
Back and forth.
Eyes forever staring upwards.
Her hands reach out towards five, tall poles,
Each with a single china plate
balanced on top.
“Must keep spinning…
“Must keep spinning”,
She quietly mutters
Under her breath.
She tries.
She tires.
Her hands become clumsy.
China plates begin to fall.

Broken.

Why did she never think
To put them away?
These once beautiful china plates,
Belonged in a beautiful china cabinet.
To be displayed,
And never touched.
Only to be brought out
For the most special of company.
Too late now for tears.

Broken.

Too many plates.
Too many pieces.
Too many broken hearts.
Not enough glue.

Broken.
And broken they shall remain.

Female, Muslim & Single? Look Away Now!

// October 13th, 2008 // 2 Comments » // Blog

Because another wonderful, Muslim male has been snapped up, off the market – Alhamdulillah! More specifically, my fellow Ijtema editor, and dearest bro in Islam, Faraz bhai.

Let us join together in offering our sincerest congratulations and prayers to the new, and inshā’Allāh, happily-ever-after, couple!

Not here, silly… on his blog. {grins}

When Your Prayers Are Answered

// October 6th, 2008 // 9 Comments » // Blog

How do you react?

How do you even know?

Something extremely curious has happened to me recently. If I had been informed several months ago that this thing – being a change in someone's opinion on a matter that significantly affects my life – would take place, I would have been gobsmacked.

I'd have been all: “Subhanallah! What a freakin' miracle!”.

And indeed, I have been praying for such a miracle for a long, long time.

And yet, now that it seems to have been granted – where is the joy? The jumping up and down, and general excitedness? It's almost like I'm in denial.

Maybe I'll wake up soon. I'd hate to be ungrateful for any blessing; especially one that I have been begging for, for so, so long.

Isn't it strange that after all this time, after all the signs, after all the answered prayers, and innumerable blessings… Isn't it strange that we should still be surprised by the generosity of our Lord, Most Gracious?

Allahu Akbar.

The Last Ten Days of Ramadan

// September 20th, 2008 // 7 Comments » // Blog

They are here… Well, for most of us. Some lazy North Americans are still in yesterday… catch up already!

I will be attempting a life of severely reduced net access during this time, as part of my own lesser version of i'tikaaf. I would say, “no net access”, except that I expect some errands to pop up during the course of the week.

I'm a little nervous. Not about leaving the internet – I'm not that bad (famous last words).

I have no excuse to mess up this Ramadan. I have no job, no spouse, no kids, no real responsibilities to distract me greatly, or tire me out.

It's just me, my nafs… and my Creator.

And as I wrote on Facebook yesterday, I'd really like a break from my nafs.

If I fail this Ramadan… what does that say about me? “Loser” is not the word.

Please God, don't let me fail. Don't let any of us fail. They have excuses; I have none. Please ya Allāh: make up for our inadequacies with Your Perfection. Allow us to reap the full benefits of Laylatul Qadr. Don't let us be “Ramadan Muslims”. Let this be the beginning of the journey to You; not the end. Let us only get better and better. We are so far from being amongst your Awliyah, but if we don't even pray for this status, how will we ever hope to achieve it?

Oh Allāh you are the Forgiver. You love to forgive. Forgive us.

āmīn, ya Rabbul 'Alameen.

I won't be answering comments till '‘Īd. May Allāh bless you all, and grant you the best Ramadan ever. Āmīn.

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Picture credit: marcopesavento

The End of an Era

// September 16th, 2008 // 12 Comments » // Blog

As of yesterday, I am officially no longer a member of Imperial College London's current study body.
(more…)

“Will You Marry Me?”

// August 27th, 2008 // 13 Comments » // Blog

Is that question asked any more? Was it ever asked amongst Muslims?

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So Little Time, So Much Change

// August 24th, 2008 // 6 Comments » // Blog

I was reminded of an old entry today, that I wrote approximately 18 months ago. So much has happened to me in the time that has since passed; too much to list here.

Reading over it, I saw a person whom I recognised, but was now distanced from. A young woman who had such high hopes for herself. Whose speech was clearer, intentions purer, heart brighter.

It is more than time that separates us now. A chasm filled with darkness. Desires that make the higher path more thorny to the sight. Good and evil intertwined within a knotted gut of emotion. How to release one, and retain the other?

It is never too late to change. To reclimb the mountain, and rise higher still. Only death is truly the end. May Allāh take my soul as a believer, worthy of the title “Muslim”. Āmīn.

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Image Credit: Caucas

Laughter & Tears

// August 21st, 2008 // 1 Comment » // Blog

وَأَنَّهُ هُوَ أَضْحَكَ وَأَبْكَىٰ

“That it is He Who granteth Laughter and Tears”

Holy Qur'an 53:43

I am not sure why this verse caught my attention so. As per usual, the timing was perfect. One of the many miracles of this wondrous revelation.

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Credits:

• Laughing Child – Photo by just.Luc
• Crying Child – Photo by _М и р К о_
• Quranic verse – Translation of meaning by Yusuf Ali, obtained from SearchTruth.com

The Tease

// August 17th, 2008 // 19 Comments » // Blog

She sat in the middle of the well-cushioned sofa – an inanimate item of furniture intent on swallowing her whole, perhaps in its own weak efforts to comfort her. Any embrace will do, she thought.

It didn't take long for the tears to flow. One, then two, then uncontrollable streams. Cheeks softened with salty excess. Mascara no doubt running. Wipe, wipe, wipe them away before anyone sees. But who is there to see?, she thought.

Now her nose joins in. She has no tolerance for this, reaching down for a stray tissue, intent on subduing the rebellion taking place on the plane of her sullen face.

Right hand, open, grip, upwards now, closing in fast; she readies herself to release the tension. But something catches her by surprise.

His scent.

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