I still have it, but insha-Allah still have plans on giving it to that special someone when the time is right.

Marahm: “So, in my humble opinion, social mobility is the driving force behind both superficial, quick decisions, as well as contractual complications.”
Wow, never thought about it that way… interesting! Maybe that is why certain families prefer consanguineous unions?

srtuba: Just remember that Allah sees all that we do, and hopefully there will be no need to have humans to monitor our activities! People talk anyway. Subhanallah.

Mouse: Ok, my question has been answered: yes, they do ask. Ta!
Some people prefer false modesty to the real modesty of marriage… what better to protect modesty than a sacred union? Sigh.

Farzeen: “As for your question “Is this question ever asked any more?” Well as far as I know, it has to be asked of both the bride and groom and an affirmative response has to be given from each (indicated verbally, or by silence if one is shy to say) in order for the nikkah to be valid. Correct me if I’m wrong.”
Damn… I knew someone would find the loophole! hehe. Anyway, it’s usually a third person, like an imam, who asks that question to both guy and girl. Plus, this is a long way after the proposal stage!

hema: “i thought you were proposing to me in the title”
You know I would… if I could… but I can’t. Yey on the signing stuff! Masha’Allah. Let me know how it goes.

Alefyah: Ameeeeeeeeeen! Thank you for visiting. It’s been so long! How’s your new life going? May Allah bless you guys! Send me photos!

When only this thought pervails, all other ‘negotiations’ etc disappears.

Then no matter what happens in life, the strong bond and respect will always hold you together. You won’t mind sleeping on the floor knowing that the person next to you is a wonderful muslim.

May you find him soon!! :)

So just to clarify, you’re not down with people depending on others to make suggestions and taking those suggestions for granted while treating potentials like food items on an already specialized menu?

Well, the way I see it, each their own. Yah, people may take advantage of the hard efforts of others by seemingly ruling out potentials with ease over minor points that really don’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things. To them, I only have to say, grow up and prioritize. But I suspect, and hope in some way, that they end up with someone as superficial and/petty as themselves. But then again, to give them the benefit of the doubt, I figure one can be as picky as he wishes before marriage because after marriage, it’s a luxury that one cannot afford.

As for fairness to everyone else.. I really don’t know how these cultural things work, but in your frustrations with it, just remember, you’re not going to get anything more or less than what’s written for you and is already deemed yours by His divine will. So the resonsibility lies in us treating potentials and their families with dignity and respect and to give the possibliity a fair shot. And if either girl or guy, his family or her family, aren’t feeling it… then drop it, cuz it’s alll good! Ideals don’t exist, and the marriage process is just an ever-evolving, somewhat annoying, increasingly frustratig process that requires more patience and more adab.

As for your question “Is this question ever asked any more?” Well as far as I know, it has to be asked of both the bride and groom and an affirmative response has to be given from each (indicated verbally, or by silence if one is shy to say) in order for the nikkah to be valid. Correct me if I’m wrong.

I don’t think the process is supposed to be entertaining (i.e. romantic per se), and given our disfragmented societies today, it’s now just a challenge. But when all is said and done, we can only hope that good people are married to good people who will be true to the meaning of marriage and all that it represents.

Ah, been a while since I’ve rambled this much here, eh? Forgive me, and please take all my words here with a grain of salt because I’m not really familiar with these issues, for better or for worse. AlhamduliAllah ‘ala kulli haal!

@ cultural double standards
Indeed! I have a bunch of friends who all want to get married, but only one of them actually went to her parents and the local sheikh and said, “I want to get married, this is what I want, let’s start looking!” The others, though I’m trying to push them to be proactive, are reluctant to do so because their families would have a cow at this “lack of modesty”!!!

I used to think the non-Muslim customs were easier, because I was not a Muslim during my youth. Now, I believe the Muslim customs are easier because they cut through so much of the preliminary marital relationship, and lessen the possibility of falling into haraam behavior.

However easier, the Muslim customs can be riskier because decisions are made quickly, and not always based upon correct assumptions.

In many ways, marriage will always be more of a risk than a deal.

My good friend, at his engagement ceremony, got down on one knee and proposed to his wife when he handed her the ring. Then he whispered several things to her that made her cry. It was very beautiful and the whole room was buzzing with speculation about the romantic things he said. They now have a baby. May Allah bless them with good health and success.