// October 15th, 2007 // Blog

Right at this moment, as i type these words, i feel like i am going to explode with anticipation. It could be the effect of have two coffees in one day (i rarely have coffee, though i love it – i'm quite sensitive to it), but most likely, it is because i am at one of the most exciting, and hence, daunting, points in my entire life. I really cannot begin to explain how many things are about to change, potentially all at the same time within the next few months. I often have to make myself forget this fact, because when i remember – like just now – i become overwhelmed, and i have no idea what to do, other than whisper: Allāh, help!

My PhD is the tip of the iceberg. I am stuck in limbo with that, because though the thesis is submitted, there is still the viva, which can actually be a greater decider on the outcome, depending on how good/bad your thesis is. If your thesis is good, the viva is basically a formality. If the thesis is average/poor, then the viva is make or break. I have a bad feeling my thesis was at best average, just because of the lack of data… but let's not dwell on that for too long!

My blog/online life. Blogging was meant to be a past-time; a way to vent the silly-box that is my brain. I didn't even intend to make friends, or have any kind of social network online – that is, i didn't expect anyone to actually read my blog! Now i have a few loyal readers who put up with my random musings, and many kind passers-by who leave the odd heart-warming message. Alhamdulillah for all of God's blessings. However, i am feeling a little shell-shocked after returning to normal blogging from my pseudo-hiatus. I have always loved receiving comments and commenting more than blogging itself; or should i say, i feel that the best part of blogging is the discussion that follows it. But i am having to re-learn how to interact with other bloggers again – keeping up with the limited activity on my own blog is hard enough, without the added “stress” of following discussion threads on the other 20-odd blogs i regularly check. Plus my recent Facebook addiction has introduced a wonderful, yet time-consuming, dimension of interaction with my fellow bloggers. Blogging is meant to be fun! Why am i finding it so stressful? How did i manage it all before?!

And that's just the “fun” aspect of blogging. I haven't even mentioned the “serious” aspect: ventures such as I say “ventures” because, God-willing, i will soon be joining two other online collaborations – that is, if i survive Ijtema's overhaul. During my thesis write-up, Allāh blessed me with several ideas, that together with suggestions from the other editors could make the next big thing – not just on the Muslim blogosphere, but the entire internet. Yes, i sound ambitious, but really, i have good reason to be! However, we haven't even begun work on this massive project, which just adds to my internal panic… i really want to set the wheels in motion, so i can attain some relief. If my fellow editors are reading now: PLEASE CAN WE START ALREADY? Thank you. {sweet grin}

Then there is my personal life… ha ha ha hmm… the less said about that the better. The term “rollercoaster ride” is an UNDERSTATEMENT. Alhamdulillah, it looks to be settling down a wee bit lately, but in reality, this is the part of the ride where i am click, click, clicking my way to the top of the steepest peak, and a quick glance over the edge of the carriage reveals the true nature of the huge drop that is about to follow… however, the good news is that i LOVE rollercoasters, so bring on the Big Dipper! {wink}

Trust me, there is more, but i think that's enough explanation for now – i am starting to feel dizzy!

In short, my life feels like it is about to start all over again. The feeling in my gut is akin to the adrenaline rush one experiences just prior to the 100m dash: heart pumping, eyes fixated on the finish line, ears pricked up straining to hear the gun-shot; one second lasts a day. You can only survive in this state for so long – it's meant to be temporary, and i am sure it will be, God-willing. But i have to agree with my dear friend Organic on this one: waiting sucks.

11 Responses to “Crossroads”

  1. AnonyMouse says:

    Just reading that entry made me feel out of breath!

    Haha, which reminds me: breeaaaaaaattthhhhhheeeeeee! (Good advice, huh? And it sounds mighty familiar…) :D

    I know how you feel, though – after seeing how much I’m lagging behind in schoolwork, before Ramadhaan I made a firm resolution to limit my blogging and other online activity.
    MM and your blog are the only two that I check regularly and I refuse to get caught up in other online discussions and debates; I limit my FB interaction to a minimum; and I’ve stopped sending out a kazillion emails a day.
    It’s been a huge relief! (Although I do miss all the cyber-visiting and the intellectual stimulation I experienced.)

    Anyway, just take a deeeeep breath, trust in Allah, and do your best… insha’Allah, everything will work itself out and you’ll do wonderfully in everything! :)

  2. Sumera says:

    As with all rollercoaster rides, after the big dip it all dies down and you wonder what you were nervous about! :)

  3. Change is good and the excitement for the next chapter of your life is only going to get better. I promise :)

  4. hema says:

    do what i do when i feel too overwhelmed. immerse myself in work and forget about everything else!
    two coffees a day is too much:(
    right that’s it, i’m going to join facebook, too many people have joined i need to see what the fuss is aboutl.
    i check all my blogs at work in my frees or in the living room on my laptop so i can talk to people at the same time. sometimes people test me to see if i’m following the conversation. i’ve just failed one. hhhm better go(is it myfault you are much more interesting to talk to than my sisters?)

  5. mastmalang says:

    Sounds like you are at an exciting point in your life. Thats awesome. I miss those days where I used to wake up with that sense of excitement in my stomach. I guess that feeling of being static is a part of life when one is a student like myself. Good luck on your endevours though! And don’t forget to blog about it!
    -mast malang

  6. Faraz says:

    I thought I was at a crossroads before, with a number of options before me – then I realized that it was only a train crossing. And I’m stuck waiting for that train to cross. And yet it keeps going and going and going.

    Perhaps one day I’ll make it across. I could try running through the gap between two cars, but that could potentially be deadly.

    I’ll keep praying that your way across is smooth and that all your decisions bring khair.

  7. iMuslim says:

    Right, now that WordPress has actually let me back into my own blog, let us begin!

    Mouse: that advice sounds superb… clearly the word of a genius. :P I do need to slow down; i am taking far too much on at the same time. Need to start dropping things, and also delegating tasks.

    Sumi: yeah, you’re right.. though i hate it when the ride is less exciting than you thought it was going to be!

    OM: you sound like a fortune cookie. hehe. Is that a money-back guarantee? ;)

    hema: actually, immersing myself in thesis writing did do wonders in terms of blocking out every other stress… but then all that stress was waiting for me when i finished, so there is no real escape except to DEAL and get on with life.
    Re: Facebook… well, that took a lot of convincing – not. A prime example of peer pressure there… hehe. Love you, really… now join! :D

    Mast Malang: welcome to my humble blog! What do you study? I am still a sort-off student… but one who is about to be released back into the real world after being bred in academic captivity. Will i survive the wild?!

    Faraz: you should do what they do in Westerns… get on a horse, ride along side the train, hop on, and then see where it takes you. Having a fist fight on the carriage roof is optional, as well as ducking any oncoming tunnels (the latter is highly recommended for extended Faraz shelf-life). Jazakallah for your prayers, which are always most welcome! Wa iyyaka. :)

  8. mummyjaan says:

    Assalam alaikum. Speaking of ijtema, I wanted to suggest a couple of articles but am getting a 404 not found message. Something wrong?

  9. iMuslim says:

    Wa ‘alaykum salam sis. We have moved servers, and something has gone a bit pear-shaped! We’re trying to sort it out… Keep an eye on the RSS feed to see when we’re back on track, inshallah. But jazakallah khair for thinking of us! Your input is such a great help, and is much appreciated. :)

  10. mastmalang says:

    Thank you. And I must say that you have a wonderful and intriguing space here. I study Political Science. I am in my last year of my BA and Inshallah after that, I either hope to get my Masters and eventually PhD or I might go to Law school where I hope to specialize in International Law. What do you study? Academia is bliss! (well except for studying…I really hate studyin). And I am sure you’ll survive the wild life of post academic life.

  11. iMuslim says:

    Wow, Political Science; very impressive! I studied a bit of Politics in the 2nd year of my BSc… didn’t do very well though… most likely because i missed half the lectures (they were at Monday lunchtimes!). I specialize in Biology. Academia is pretty nifty (except for the studying, which i also dislike!), but it does spoil you for the real world, methinks.

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