From a Slave to Her Master

// October 11th, 2007 // Blog

Ramadan, this could be our final night.
Angels may descendeth as i write.
For sure, parting is such sweet sorrow.
Allāh alone knows what brings the morrow.
But let this heart, worn and rusted
be cleansed by Him, alone is trusted,
with prayers, and fasts and charity,
and tears; istighfaar with sincerity.
Why do i turn to the creation,
when Al-Khaliq is He who grants elation?
Mistakes i made return to haunt,
sins and errors, they do taunt
a heart laid bare before its Master.
And though I walk to Him, He runs here faster.
I'm weak, i'm tired, i miss my home,
yet never – not once – has He left me alone.
Confusion, delusion, illusion, deceit,
this fickle dunya wants me at its feet.
I won't listen, no! I won't give in,
until i die Muslim, Mu'min, and Muhsin.
Ya Allāh, the goal is so far ahead,
and failure so close; this i dread.
And with all the eloquence and poetry,
i still wonder: what will become of me?
A soul that's chained, wanting to be free
through submission to the One, and only He.
Can i do it, will i make it?
Will i try, or will i fake it?
God, i am not sure i can take it
anymore, relieve me before i break it.
Please – sweet release;
let it all just cease.
In Your pleasure let me live,
let me die, and please forgive,
every moment not spent seeking You,
every moment vile and untrue.
Oh Allāh, i don't know what to do
anymore, my good deeds are so few.
Guidance, please, a shining light,
send it forth, let me delight
in it, and never stray from the straight path.
Only Your mercy, never Your wrath
upon me place, until we meet again.
And i will try my best to refrain
from all the ugliness that You hate,
while i patiently wait
for that moment of certainty,
when at last, my soul is set free.
I testify to Your oneness,
so please be my witness.
Save me from the duress
of the grave, Al-Qiyamah, An-Nar; and grant me no less
than Al-Firdos. To be close to You here,
and after death. To have true fear,
and true hope, and true love
of You, in You and for You, far above
that what i have for any other:
for myself, my father, my mother,
my husband, my children, for anyone;
how could they even compete with the One?
The only One worthy of praise.
Now to end, these words to You, i raise:
Ashadu anla ilaha illalah
Ashadu anha Muhammadur-rasulallah – sallalahu 'alayhi wa salam.

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