Premarital Counseling

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// May 8th, 2007 // Blog

I was forwarded this document by a friend of mine:

100 questions to ask a marriage prospect

Should hopefully prove useful to all you singletons, out there, inshā’Allāh.

Disclaimer: i didn't write them, so don't blame me if they fail!

Update: And now for a little fun…

8. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

{Someone's looking for a little flattery, methinks?}

Potential answers from guy:
1) Cos damn girl, you're smokin'! ssssttt… [in my dreams]
2) I heard you're training to be a chef; I like women who know their place is in the kitchen.
3) You're the last woman on Earth.

25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three)

Me: You think i have three, whole friends? hahahaha. Good one! *clutches stomach* You should do stand up! Seriously! *wipes away tear*

41. Do you read?

Me: Der! Learnin's fer boyz. I just know how to sow, cook, and breed.

43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?

Ok, what kind of question is this?!!

47. Do you like to write your feelings?

Me: I regularly share my emotions with a world-wide audience, via the written medium; it's called blogging.

64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?

Me: Look, i know you're a doctor, but i ain't letting you touch me before the wedding day, ai'it?

Your turn!

27 Responses to “Premarital Counseling”

  1. Asmaa says:

    My favourite: “do you read?”

  2. iMuslim says:

    See my update :)

  3. Manas says:

    You be our guineapig, sis. Or would you like more to be a mouse?

  4. ROFL.

    Wow… That’s all I can say.

  5. iMuslim says:

    Manas, i actually received this document a few weeks ago, so did use it a little… though it proved a bit redundant, because we had already discussed many of the issues raised by the questions, through our previous conversations. I can see how the list would be useful for making things more ‘efficient’, and for those who don’t have as much experience as i do (sigh).

    Sakiina, Salaams & Welcome. Glad you were amused. :)

  6. Sumera says:

    I came across this questionnaire years ago…and still find it amusing! Some of the questions are ok..but most are just itching to generate funny replies :D

  7. Snowdrops says:

    salam,

    lol…am still lol-ing at your replies sis :lol:

    wassalam

  8. Alefyah says:

    LOL.. very charming. We should try these answers someday (Especially on someone we don’t want to marry!) hehe :)

  9. hema says:

    someone sent me a similar questionaire too, and scared me by saying if you don’t ask the polygamy qestion, it will be your own fault! but the actual question was, do you already have a wife? lol hhm who would think to ask that unless you were told to? (i’ve never asked it though, i don’t think i would have the guts!)

    68. how do you spend money?
    erm… let’s come back to this question

    76. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
    you’d better do, if you want me to answer 68 truthfully!

    45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
    hey imuslim, have i mentioned i love you and i’m in constant awe of your computer skills?

    43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?

    seriously, what kind of question is this?
    and what about before marriage? i had this one guy who kept calling me an angel. it just felt so wrong. after it was “over” i told him there was such a thing as being too nice. (really there is, i was not the only one who said it to him. i guess girls don’t know what they want half the time!)

    there is a girl at work who mentioned her job to a potential, and he has sent flowers for the past week. she thinks it is so romanic, but i’m very wary of this guy. i shall be protecting my colleague from this suspicious flower sending guy.

    44.after marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
    hhm, i don’t know what i think of holding hands in public. i know i wouldn’t do it, but i can’t decide whether it is cute or weird when other people do it??

  10. iMuslim says:

    Salaams girls… yes, my answers should be used with caution. I guess it would be a good litmus test to see if the guy has a sense of humour! It depends on how good of an actor you are. I always give the game away, cos i crack a grin 2 milliseconds after being sarcastic; extremely bad poker face (poker is haram, anyway). :)

    hema, i would never ask the “are you already married” question, either. BUT SAYING THAT… i heard something funny about one of the guys who came to see me a few months back. I don’t know if it was true, though. Someone said that he was already married, and had a child! He didn’t mention that in the interview. I mean, it’s one thing to be separated, or divorced, with a child – but to give the impression of being completely free & single: how crap is that? Never thought it would happen in the desi community; Arabs, yes, but not our lot! Sorry, if that comes across as racist… i just meant that polygamy isn’t very common amongst Desis, and especially not the sneaky kind. :(

    45 – awwww…. now, what do you want? ;)

    43 – I dunno. It depends on the people involved, and the cultural norms. Some parents would be cool with their daughter receiving a bouquet of flowers (some even expect it!), but others would be quite insulted.
    Personally, i think the odd, nice romantic gesture is OK, as long as they don’t expect any ‘funny stuff’ in return – you know what i’m saying? I’m thinking of Unique’s entry, here.

    44. I remember once, i was walking to an Islamic seminar with a couple of sisters. A young, Muslim couple walked by us, hand-in-hand. The sisters made some remarks along the lines of “i hope they’re married”. I was kinda taken aback by their sarcasm. I mean, it was obvious that the couple were Muslim (at least, in their dress), so why assume the worst about them? I know the sisters were joking (i hope), but it didn’t feel right to say something like that.
    This makes me think that PDA is not really accepted by Muslim society, well, at least the society that i belong to… maybe in other Muslim communities, it’s cool. I wouldn’t mind holding hands, or if we’re sitting on the train, and i’m exhausted, resting my head against his shoulder [OK, stop, stop, stop, with the romantical thoughts! I’m not married yet!], but anything past this would be a big no-no. In fact, anything past this is not really appreciated by non-Muslims, either.

  11. believer786 says:

    Though I did not go through the questions, all I can say is, even if you devise a 1000 questions, you may not get the truth about a person. For a few reasons – some people lie pre-marriage, some change as years go by, and a dozen other reasons.

    Only time, experiences, and situations encountered in a relationship give a window to the true person behind the person you have married. Someone with strong Iman, with good wholesome family values, and a true believer in love are a few things that will help weather storms that may be encountered in a marriage.

  12. iMuslim says:

    Very true, Mushir. May Allah grant us pious spouses, with good deen and good character, and make us the same. Ameen.

  13. Manas says:

    Poker is haraam? Which one? the game?

  14. mcpagal says:

    43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
    No, I prefer to use the art of mime.

    Question 64 is outrageous!

  15. iMuslim says:

    Manas, you’re kidding, right?

    mcpagal, you’re kidding, right? [Good one, sis. :D ]

  16. iMuslim says:

    P.S., you have totally reminded me of this comedy sketch, starring Rowan Atkinson in a black leotard, saying: “I am a miiiimmme, my boooody is my toooool”. Ok, no-one is gonna find that funny unless they’ve seen it. My school friends & I used to crack up whenever we quoted it. Good times… :D

  17. AnonyMouse says:

    Hah! Your answers totally cracked me up… :D

    When I had the chickenpox and couldn’t sleep, I ended up compiling a list of things to pose to any future suitors… I titled it “The Interrogation” and prefaced it when a warning to “Be Afraid. Very Afraid. Are You Afraid Yet?”

    Heehee…

    “Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)”

    *Points to three points in the air*

    Say hi to Joe, Bob, and MaryAnne!
    … Or should I say: Ahmad, Khaled, and Mariam?

  18. Nada says:

    Assalamualaikum
    The list, although extremely funny at times like ,
    50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
    60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
    82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
    (these are just a few egs) ,did have many potentially useful questions to shoot at a prospective. hehe Good one. I look fwd to using it someday :D
    In fact, the very way the prospective is gonna react to the questions will say a lot about him/her. Need not wait for the answers in words :D

  19. Did someone call? :P I heard someone mention my name. Oh it was you iMuslim :P I found this post hillarious! The questions are long and boring though, it would take an extra special kind of guy to sit through that and not run off! :P

  20. iMuslim says:

    Mouse: I’m already afraid, and we ain’t ever getting hitched. :P
    Btw, Joe is from Joseph, which would then be Yusuf. Bob is from Robert, so could be Rashid? MaryAnne works as Mariam.
    And i don’t know why i just spent my precious time & energy renaming your fake invisible friends!

    Nada: Alhamdulillah, those questions are quite thought provoking, especially the abuse one.

    Unique: Were your ears burning? :)
    I dunno! Some men are just as talkative as we are… ;)

  21. AnonyMouse says:

    Nah, I did it on purpose… Ahmad and Khaled are my favourite guys’ names… :D

  22. Timepass says:

    There is nothing like just having an honest normal (hopefully fun) chat and answers to your burning questions will just come out. I do not believe there is a need for the either of the prospectives to feel as though it is an interview and a list of questions on the outset (maybe go through it on your second/third conversation, once both feel comfortable) would certainly make me feel as though it is an interview.

    Unique – I agree, too long and boring, I would feel confident in making it a little bit more fun while gaining (and giving) as much if not more by just having a conversation. It would take a special person (I can also think of other words for this special person) to go through the list.

    Imuslim – I think you will find the list of men as talkative (particularely on anything and everthing, i.e. Not about sports or himself, simply wanting to keep on chatting) to be short.

  23. iMuslim says:

    Timepass: As ‘fun’ as conversations with strange men can be, not all people find such experiences to their taste, and certainly not all have an idea of what questions need to be asked. To be honest, at least in my circles, when the guy & girl meet, it is an interview, and it is expected to be. Of course, i have never met anyone who has come to my house with a prepared list, though i am sure we all have pre-formulated questions tucked away in our minds to ‘spring’ on the prospect, when the timing seems right. :)
    I see the list as being helpful for people who don’t have much experience with these things, or are shy. I wouldn’t suggest anyone print it off and take it with them to meetings, but rather memorize the ones they like the best, and bring them up in the course of conversation, if they haven’t already been answered ‘naturally’.

    Wrt talkative men, perhaps you are right… i suppose that is why we still keep our girlfriends after marriage. ;)

  24. Manas says:

    No I wasn’t! But now I am :)

  25. mummyjaan says:

    Can’t see the questions, iMuslim. The link doesn’t work.

  26. iMuslim says:

    I just tried it now, and it was fine sis… try again:

    Link to Google Doc

  27. Farzeen says:

    Assalaamu’alaykum

    You’re a joker! haha.. thanks for the laugh. :)

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